Wish list about needs, not wants OR
A casino on Cherry Street? OR
Water park idea comes up all wet
WHEN NEWS got out about the Pine Bluff Mayor Carl A. Redus Jr. request of a $1.4-million water park to stimulate our depressed economy, it wasn’t pretty. Seems the Bluff City took another hit to its already tarnished image.
No less than the New York Daily News tagged it among “the most inane” bailout requests. Our eagle eye reader Renate Wagner even noticed that ABC-TV correspondent Jake Tapper noted it on his blog, “Political Punch,” the same blog where Vice President Joe Biden vows he will “publicly embarrass” those with frivolous requests.
But hold on there, folks. Mayor Re-Do is looking at the bigger picture here. Bear with him.
I come to praise him, not to bury him.
We’re gonna get that water park, not that it’s needed right now anyway. The touristy Pine Bluff city Web site brags that we already have “a public beach” here. Somebody point me to it. I’d like to promote a beach volleyball tournament and bring in Olympians Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor. Bob Purvis, let’s get to work on that.
Nope, we’re gonna get that water park because it’s part of a master plan. We’re gonna build it with proceeds from the casino we’re gonna put on Cherry Street.
Hey, I know we were gonna build a kids rec center there, but think about what a casino could do for a depressed economy. Did you ever see Tunica, Miss., before that crown jewel of lights grew up out of the Delta cottonfields?
Channel 7 weathergal Melinda Mayo tells us via our spiffy new in-house magazine that Cherry Street was once a “main drag” for teens looking for nighttime adventure. Well, with a casino, it could be busy again. And we could learn to love it. Ka-Ching!
Besides, the casino will go great with the Hooters we’re gonna build in White Hall and the riverboat gambling in Redfield we’re gonna have for those tired arsenal workers.
Yep, folks, we’re gonna do what many depressed cities do. We’re gonna bring in sin, and tax the fool out of it. By the truckload if necessary. Dayton’s even looking to relocate some prostitutes. That’s another of the most inane requests, along with neon lights for Las Vegas and several requests for skateboard parks.
We could move those hookers here. Might stimulate our economy, especially with the recent “drive time” bust of about 35 in Little Rock. The Legislature must be in session.
But our city buses apparently are not in good enough shape to go get Dayton’s hookers. Hey, we might get some money to replace those buses.
Don’t knock sin, gentle people. Times are hard. California’s in such sorry shape under the Terminator’s leadership those lawmakers are actually considering legalizing pot. So they can tax the fool out of it.
They’re already groups out there just itching to bring gambling to Jefferson County. When folks get more used to playing the new lottery, gambling will take off again in Arkansas. Well, why let Hot Springs and West Memphis have all the fun? The Indian casino in West Siloam Springs, Okla., stimulated the west Arkansas economy in the heart of a bible belt.
So maybe our local hero Carl A. is ahead of the curve. Either that, or he drove off it when he got that water park idea. Or maybe if it was not his idea, but one of his cronies’ brainstorms, Redus might better transfer the attribution. Maybe he can blame Donald Sampson for that, too.
That’s why the mayor’s dragging his feet on relocating the police station. He was hoping “Santa Obama” was gonna pay for it.
And was it really a surprise Mayor Re-Do wasn’t invited to the mayors’ meeting in Washington when Little Rock and North Little Rock mayors were?
The water park idea has proven to be a bit wet.
Carl, here’s the memo you missed, apparently along with several other U.S. city leaders. The stimulus is about needs, not wants.
If you ever grew up in a family where times were tough around Christmastime, you knew better not to ask for a pony. Or anything the least bit expensive.
Heck, some years, we were lucky to get underwear and socks.
Needs, not wants.
But I’d still like to see that Hooters in White Hall. Mayor Morgan, get right on that. I’m hankering for some chicken tenders near the Interstate.
Yeah, and I have always read Playboy for the articles.
Sam Krebs is the “senior” copy editor/designer and latenight guru of The Pine Bluff Commercial. By day he enjoys such hobbies as chastising John Brummett and solving crimes with the help of a rag-tag bunch of rookie cops, all of whom have hearts of gold.